It’s amazing what can remind me of you.
A sight,
A scent,
A  place,
A day.
My life is still full of you.
You were this huge part of my life for four years.
I saw you almost every day,
And for the first part of that four years, I did see you every day.
And I still see you almost every day.
In your house,
That rehabilitation center where we had your 80th birthday party,
The mountains,
Sometimes just in my mind.
Whenever I wanted to talk, you were there,
I’d go to your office and we’d talk.
Oh, how we’d talk.
You shared God’s Word with me in every talk, for every question.
Thank you for that.
Because now, when I have questions, that’s where I go first, on my own.
Sometimes I have to ask for help to find the things I’m looking for, but I’m trying.
A lot of really big changes are happening in my life right now.
A lot of hard things are happening too.
And some days I feel overwhelmed.
And sometimes I wish I could talk to you.
Ask you about my hard things.
Find out what you think I should do.
I still have people to talk to.
People who’s opinions I respect.
I’ve been blessed in that regard.
But something feels missing without yours.
It’s been over a year, but I still cry, sometimes.
And sometimes I have to pause for a moment and just breathe.
When a memory takes me by surprise.
Because I still miss you.
It’s getting easier,
But I still do.
I don’t know that I will ever get to the point that you’re not the first person that I want to talk to when I need someone to talk to.
And I don’t think I want to.


If you made it this far, thank you for reading my depressing ramblings.
I’m going to be trying to post more on here. 🙂
And side note, for those of you who don’t know me, or just haven’t heard, I have graduated high school! The ceremony went amazingly well, and it was a day to remember, for sure. 😀

Photo Cred: Karisha Browning


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